Thoughts of a Loner

Have you ever woke up in the morning, thanked God for allowing you to see just one more day, but by evening, when you lay your head down upon your pillow, you find yourself kind of hoping He forgets to wake you the next morning?

Some people spend their lives surrounded by a host of family and friends, people they can lean to and lean on at any given moment within any given period of any given day, and rarely do they have to face their inner scars or wounds alone. They call this network of people their 'support' and they are blessed to be able to have that, nourish that, claim that.

And then, there are people like me who have been burned, backstabbed, throat slit by so many we trusted that we learn the hardest, but most valuable lesson of all: The only two things we can ever trust or rely on in this life are The Holy Trinity of God and ourselves. Nothing more.

We struggle through this life in our weakness, appearing strong and outgoing to outsiders who have not a clue as to how incredibly alone and weak we truly are.

We get to know ourselves on a level that few will ever understand, possibly even be unable to handle if they did. When we look in the mirror, we don't see skin and eyes and hair and teeth. We see attributes and flaws in our character. We see our deepest desires and our darkest of secrets. We see the youthful resiliency and the scarred and deformed areas of our soul. We see our lost loves, our failed hopes and our dying dreams. We see those things we love and cherish and hold dear to our hearts, our still viable hopes, our still possible dreams. We also see how futile and unimportant we are in the total and complete grand scheme of things...because we know that we will never rise above the loneliness that our past wounds have sentenced us to.

And, though we may wake up in the early morning dawn and give thanks to God for waking us up and allowing us just one more day in this beautiful world, by the end of the treacherous day we lay our heads down upon our pillows and just before we close our eyes...our last thought is that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad if God forgot to wake us the following morning...

You WILL respect my marriage!

Let's get something PERFECTLY clear so that there will be NO doubt in the future.
I am married. I am happy being married. I have MANY years invested in this union, this covenant, and I do not wish to mess that up, nor will I allow anyone else to, either.
Not only is my husband my Love, he is also my best friend and I share everything with him.
So, please remember this and respect not only my marriage, but my husband and myself...or I will make your life a living nightmare!
That's a promise!