Every single time I share my testimony or a painful experience with a Christian, I am told that I need to forgive. They say they sense some deep unforgiveness within me and that I need to 'give it to God, let go and forgive'. This troubles me greatly as I have prayed through and gotten over, gotten past the grudge holding and KNOW in my heart that I have forgiven. But when I try to explain this, I am told that it is 'sensed' that I just have too much bitterness still and they 'feel' that I've not truly forgiven.
Well, let me explain something, once and for all...
Years ago my husband broke his ankle and he refused to go to the doctor. It healed, but it healed slowly. Who can say if it healed correctly or wrong, but it healed. A doctor even told him that about the only way to truly 'heal' a broken ankle was by surgery, screws and pins and that could often be more troublesome than allowing it to heal on it's own. But to this day, if he steps wrong or there is a sudden weather change, it hurts him. There are certain kinds of boots he can not wear or it tends to aggravate the old injury and sometimes after long walks & drives, that ankle swells. However, it is healed and he walks and he works. He can even run, but that ankle will always be weak and tender.
I had three babies, all by c-section. Each took me months to recover from; weeks for the incision to heal, months for the muscles to regain strength. Because the muscles had been severed, they will never again be as strong as they were before and to this day, that scar is sensitive. Scar tissue has formed and sometimes, if I move wrong, the pain is intense enough to take my breath away and make me cry. But, that incision is healed perfectly.
The same is true of wounds and hurts of our heart and mind.
Some are severe breaks. Some are deep stab wounds. Some are merely scratches and bruises. Sometimes the wound becomes infected and sometimes the wounds are aggravated by more woundings at the same site. Sometimes the wounds are picked at and sometimes they are just so deep that they must heal from the inside out before a protective scab can form, but often an ugly wide scar will remain. Regardless of the wound, each must go through a healing process and healing takes time.
However, no matter how well a wound heals, how invisible the scar might be, that area WILL ALWAYS BE SENSITIVE! It is just a fact of wounding, healing & scarring!
Just like my c-section scar. It healed beautifully twenty-two years ago, yet if I move wrong, or sneeze hard, the scar tissue pulls taunt and it feels as if I've ripped that incision open all over again!
That does not mean it has not healed. That does not mean that the wound is wide open. It is simply a fact of scar tissue.
The same is true with wounds of life.
I remember, with vivid detail, the wounds of my life. Some healed quickly and without any scarring. But others were never cleansed and never given time to heal before another wound was inflicted, and those wounds became infected, took longer to heal than they should have and left a very ugly scar...and the scar tissue still pulls taunt under the right circumstances, causing pain all over again. Of course, I know that the wound is healed, but the pain takes my breath away and causes me to remember the initial wound.
This does not mean that I have not forgiven. It simply means that my memory remains intact and it reminds me that there are areas of my life that will always be tender in order that I might have compassion for others suffering the same wounds and scars.
Perhaps the good thing about those who do not understand this thing about wounds, healing and scarring is that they themselves have not had to suffer wounds...The bad thing would be that they are in utter denial because we are all wounded to some degree. That is just a part of living this life.
Therefore, I am of the opinion that if I can love and pray for those who have caused my wounds, if my heart aches for the judgement they will one day suffer, then I HAVE most definitely FORGIVEN them...and it is only satan who pops his ugly head up to tell me I haven't forgiven in hopes that I will question my assurance and lie back down to wallow in the filthy mud that Jesus already cleaned up a long, long time ago!
Am I bitter?
Well, aren't we all a little bitter when we recall wounds of our past? I'm still a bit bitter when I remember falling down the steps and breaking 6 or 7 bones in my foot back in 2005! I was laid up all summer long and it hurt like the dickens. So yeah, I'm bitter about any injury I've ever suffered. But that's because I don't like pain of any sort. Doesn't mean I've not forgiven myself for not paying attention when I stepped wrong and fell down those stairs, just that I'm bitter recalling how careless I was at the time and how those bones sounded & felt when they broke!!!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
In defense of a small Texas town...
As I wander through this little world of mine, I am often perplexed at the arrogance and narrowmindedness of people. I've often found that this arrogance and narrowmindedness actually lends themselves to a better definition of complete and total stupidity!
One instance of this would be a small town...A small town that I have loved since I was a child. A town that seems to call for me, almost as if it is beckoning me to 'come home'.
Some years ago, this town was a thriving town, considering it's location. But as the years passed by and 'progress' happened, it has slowly dwindled.
There is a public school there. Some say it is great. Others say, not so much. Regardless, it isn't filled with gangster wanna-be's or big time drug dealers and the classrooms are small and manageable.
The rail road still travels through there and Amtrack has a Whistle Stop.
There is a bank, a post office, a court house, a couple of convenience stores, a feed store, a good dependable eatery, and a few other small places of business. But a metroplex it is not.
There is a nice park for the kids and an even better hiking trail to the top of a hill/mountain that overlooks the town. There is a quaint visitors center where a sweet lady can tell you just about anything factual you want to know about the area and the county. There is an RV park, a place to refill your propane bottles and there is a place that can work on your auto & tires. There are two real estate offices in the town as well.
There is a Hunter's Feast in the fall and a few other interesting gatherings throughout the year that can be fun for all and profitable for the town.
And there are some really wonderful people there...Unfortunately, not all of the wonderful people hold positions of leadership or status, which is a shame.
The largest convenience store & gas station is without a doubt the slowest, most aggravating convenience store I've ever had the displeasure of doing business with!
One of the realtors, while a kind and likable man, is also the least prompt businessman I've ever had to deal with!
A real estate agent once showed me a property & when said agent found out that I was a simple housewife and could offer neither big money or trade to the town, she was more or less done with me!
A business owner had a property I was interested in, but when I went to his business to inquire about it, he was busy shooting the bull with another person and never acknowledged my presence.
I recently sent another business owner an idea that would possibly help the town recieve good attention, since they are constantly saying they want tourism, and he scoffed at my idea. More or less said it was a silly idea & he wasn't interested in wide publicity for the town.
One person even told me, when I complained about the lack of prompt attention to a business matter, "We're a small town. We do things a lot slower in small towns than y'all do in big cities."
This struck me as hilarious because, you see, the town I grew up in, the town I often refer to as my 'home' was so small it wasn't even considered a town! Just a 'settlement'! But I well remember that if you called someone, they called you back immediately. If you walked into the store on the corner, they looked up and welcomed you or at the least, made eye contact with you. If you were new to the area, someone would stop in to welcome you. It might be your next door neighbor or the white haired ladies from the Baptist Church, but someone would take the time to say, "Welcome!" And if there was a 'happening', everyone called everyone else and got the word out. We wanted to be recognized & we liked as much piblicity as we could get!
So, as I ponder this subject, I find that this town might very well die, eventually, if these arrogant, selfserving people with their rude attitudes and lack of Texan-styled hospitality are allowed to represent this beautiful little town indefinitely.
If tourist passing through can not be waited on in a timely and polite manner, they will realize that they'd better stock up before leaving the big town and use their bank cards at the pumps.
If a realtor can not return your correspondence within 24 hours, regardless, then how in the heck can he sell properties?
If a realtor's agent isn't interested in your purchasing property because you aren't wealthy and can not or will not be bringing a business to the town, wouldn't that give anyone pause about relocating there to send their kids to a small, safe school?
If a 'leader' in the community was only interested in his chosen, and very limited, vocation in getting any word of this town, it's happenings & events out to the world, only because he fears it would cost him dollars in revenue, wouldn't that be selfserving and just a bit greedy? Especially if the proposed idea was free & had the ability to create more tourism for the town???
In closing, as crazy as it might sound, I would still like to one day be a resident of this town because I kind of have the feeling that they need an outspoken old woman like myself! I might not be able to change anything, but I guarantee you, I'd sure give 'em hell!!!
One instance of this would be a small town...A small town that I have loved since I was a child. A town that seems to call for me, almost as if it is beckoning me to 'come home'.
Some years ago, this town was a thriving town, considering it's location. But as the years passed by and 'progress' happened, it has slowly dwindled.
There is a public school there. Some say it is great. Others say, not so much. Regardless, it isn't filled with gangster wanna-be's or big time drug dealers and the classrooms are small and manageable.
The rail road still travels through there and Amtrack has a Whistle Stop.
There is a bank, a post office, a court house, a couple of convenience stores, a feed store, a good dependable eatery, and a few other small places of business. But a metroplex it is not.
There is a nice park for the kids and an even better hiking trail to the top of a hill/mountain that overlooks the town. There is a quaint visitors center where a sweet lady can tell you just about anything factual you want to know about the area and the county. There is an RV park, a place to refill your propane bottles and there is a place that can work on your auto & tires. There are two real estate offices in the town as well.
There is a Hunter's Feast in the fall and a few other interesting gatherings throughout the year that can be fun for all and profitable for the town.
And there are some really wonderful people there...Unfortunately, not all of the wonderful people hold positions of leadership or status, which is a shame.
The largest convenience store & gas station is without a doubt the slowest, most aggravating convenience store I've ever had the displeasure of doing business with!
One of the realtors, while a kind and likable man, is also the least prompt businessman I've ever had to deal with!
A real estate agent once showed me a property & when said agent found out that I was a simple housewife and could offer neither big money or trade to the town, she was more or less done with me!
A business owner had a property I was interested in, but when I went to his business to inquire about it, he was busy shooting the bull with another person and never acknowledged my presence.
I recently sent another business owner an idea that would possibly help the town recieve good attention, since they are constantly saying they want tourism, and he scoffed at my idea. More or less said it was a silly idea & he wasn't interested in wide publicity for the town.
One person even told me, when I complained about the lack of prompt attention to a business matter, "We're a small town. We do things a lot slower in small towns than y'all do in big cities."
This struck me as hilarious because, you see, the town I grew up in, the town I often refer to as my 'home' was so small it wasn't even considered a town! Just a 'settlement'! But I well remember that if you called someone, they called you back immediately. If you walked into the store on the corner, they looked up and welcomed you or at the least, made eye contact with you. If you were new to the area, someone would stop in to welcome you. It might be your next door neighbor or the white haired ladies from the Baptist Church, but someone would take the time to say, "Welcome!" And if there was a 'happening', everyone called everyone else and got the word out. We wanted to be recognized & we liked as much piblicity as we could get!
So, as I ponder this subject, I find that this town might very well die, eventually, if these arrogant, selfserving people with their rude attitudes and lack of Texan-styled hospitality are allowed to represent this beautiful little town indefinitely.
If tourist passing through can not be waited on in a timely and polite manner, they will realize that they'd better stock up before leaving the big town and use their bank cards at the pumps.
If a realtor can not return your correspondence within 24 hours, regardless, then how in the heck can he sell properties?
If a realtor's agent isn't interested in your purchasing property because you aren't wealthy and can not or will not be bringing a business to the town, wouldn't that give anyone pause about relocating there to send their kids to a small, safe school?
If a 'leader' in the community was only interested in his chosen, and very limited, vocation in getting any word of this town, it's happenings & events out to the world, only because he fears it would cost him dollars in revenue, wouldn't that be selfserving and just a bit greedy? Especially if the proposed idea was free & had the ability to create more tourism for the town???
In closing, as crazy as it might sound, I would still like to one day be a resident of this town because I kind of have the feeling that they need an outspoken old woman like myself! I might not be able to change anything, but I guarantee you, I'd sure give 'em hell!!!
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