Days end...

As this day comes to a close, I look back over it and am satisfied with the way that it went. While nothing particularly monumental happened, it was the little things that made it so grand. A nice little walk, a dozen friendly faces, good conversation and even a hug from an old friend. Little things. Simple things. Wonderful things.

Walking in a small town...

October 11, 2012
As I was out walking this morning I had three people stop and ask if my truck had broken down, had it run out of gas or did I need a ride...And this was all within a block of my starting point and I only walked two of these 'city' blocks. I'm sure had I walked farther I might would have had the opportunity to meet a good number of town folks! I thanked them all and we parted ways with smiles and laughter. 
I must admit, it is not easy for me to walk alone in a town full of people I don't know and I don't blame this on any particular town. I've been this way everywhere I've ever lived, regardless. I'm not handicapped to much extent, unless you happen to count that visual issue, but I try to look past that with the good eye. But I am self-conscious and I am shy, as surprising as that might be to many who think they know me, and that is an even greater handicap than partial blindness. And while I know that walking is good for my mind, body and soul, it remains a struggle for me to do.
Yet as I walked this morning and had three strangers stop and inquire if I needed help, their simple acts not only warmed my heart, but these people touched my soul as well. Their thoughtfulness and consideration in stopping to offer help if needed goes back to a time that too many of us have forgotten. A time when you offered to help not only a stranger, but perhaps even that neighbor you didn't particularly care for because it was the right, and the good, and the polite thing to do. Because you had been taught all of your life that you reap what you sow and if you helped someone in need, that same help would come to you later when you needed it. And because in a small town, your neighbors were essentially an extention of your family and of yourself and even if you don't particularly like them, you do respect them.
All in all this morning, I had 3 people stop and offer help, eight people I don't know drive past and wave, one short little dog with a big bark ordering me to move along, a greeting by a lovable cat in the middle of the road and a polite nod and wave from the sheriff. As I arrived back at my truck, with the muscles in my legs screaming and begging for mercy, I was smiling and thinking, "What a great way to start a morning!"

Been a while since I've written on this blog. Didn't realize it had been so long until I pulled it up and looked. WOW! Time certainly flies when life gets in the way!
Been walking more these days. Not long walks, but walking just the same. The muscles have grown flabby, the ligaments and tendons have shortened and it doesn't take much to stretch them too far...but I am trying. Not just for physical health, which you'll get no argument from me...is vital. However, a walk tends to sooth my nerves, lower my blood pressure, hone my senses and causes me to smile...even when I'm panting and wondering if I'm going to have to crawl all the way back home!
The wind in my ears makes me think of the breath of God...I can not literally see Him, but I know He's there because I feel His breath upon the winds and hear His voice as it rushes over me.
The cotton-tail hidden beneath the creosote bush reminds me that God cares for even he and aren't I every bit as important to God as a bunny rabbit? 
The tiny purple and white desert flowers reminds me that God can place beauty anywhere in this world, but it is up to us to take the time to slow down, look around and both find and see it.
The wave of a passer-by, the smile of an elderly man sitting on his front porch, a nod from a lady heading out to her car to go to work...The barking dogs, the stray cats, the birds flying overhead, a deer bounding off from the yard of an abandoned house just a few blocks ahead...The rumbling of a freight train, it's horn blowing blasts that echo off the hills and create a beautiful harmonic symphony in the early morning hours...The eighteen wheelers on the main highway, shifting down as they pass through town...
All these sights and sounds remind me that I am alive to see, hear, feel and enjoy the simple beauties of life in a small town. 
Life may not be perfect. It may fail miserably in so many ways. And, yet??? Life is beautiful, grand, magnificent and something to be appreciated, cherished, respected, admired and, yes, LOVED!
For it is by the Grace of God that I am alive today...and I thank Him for another day to live, to breath, to see, to smell, to feel, to hear, to speak, to write, to walk and to praise Him for His Love!
Glory Be to God in the Highest!

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EXCLUDE Game Wardens from Game & Etc. Contests

Game Wardens and other Texas Parks & Wildlife Department employees should NOT be allowed to enter ANY contest related to the harvest of ANY type game animal or fish in the state of Texas! The allowance of these specific persons in these contests is not only in direct conflict, it also allows too much room for fraudulent claims by those TPWD employees & representatives who do not pursue honesty and integrity while in the pursuance of their official duties. A Texas Game Warden's duty is to police and protect the game and fish of the State; NOT kill or take that game or fish for trophy, ribbon or monetary/material gain!!!

Being Crazy...

Being crazy is a stressful way to live, yet for those of us who are crazy, stress-filled is the only way we know how to live. Take the stress away and we become bored, get into things and eventually create catastrophic events that lead to stress...and then we are in a familiar zone and we smile because the chaos is comfortable for us.
Crazy people live in and for the moment because we know that at any given time all our moments might be taken away as that last breath leaves us...And if we've not lived crazily and wildly, taking risks as we follow dreams from deep within our beings, then we fear that our eternities will be spent regretting the 'what ifs' and the 'might have beens'.
Crazy people follow their dreams...and just because the normal, sane people tell us we shouldn't do this or that, their words only serve to fertilize that dream, pushing us harder and causing us to realize that we are on the right track, even if it is deemed 'crazy'.
Crazy people are created out of adversity and pain, out of an inability to 'fit in' with the crowds or 'normal' people, out of self preservation and the need to survive in spite of the odds.
Crazy people learn to love themselves and they learn to accept themselves as they are, without any pretenses, without any bias. Often they are shunned, neglected, overlooked, ignored, made fun of and even bullied; and because of this they learn early that sometimes the only best friend they are ever going to have is the one who stares back at them from the mirror. 
Crazy people march to the beat of a drum that only fellow crazy people can hear and appreciate. They don't necessarily set out to blaze a trail for others to follow, but they do make that trail wide enough for anyone who might decide to venture down it after them. 
Crazy people appreciate life. We follow our dreams. We take risks and we do our best to live a life without regrets. We endure stress brought on by hardships and it serves to make us stronger, more determined, even more resilient. 
Yes, I am CRAZY and I do CRAZY things that make NO sense to others. But I live and I breath, I love and I pray. I have seen some wonderful things and I have experienced some amazing feelings, both good and bad. I've done things others have only talked about and been too cautious, maybe too scared to try...But as long as it makes sense to me, brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart... then I'll take crazy over sane ANY DAY!

Thoughts...

We moved to Kingsland, TX 28.5 months ago and I had such high hopes at the time. I thought the schools would be great and I thought I'd find & make friends, find a good church that we could be a 'family' with, I thought Larry would be able to make it home more often...But none of that has happened. The school was a nightmare for Logan. I've only been able to make a grand total of four friends. The churches are not particularly friendly, nor very welcoming. Larry rarely gets home. And even though we are surrounded by lakes? There isn't a single good place to go to bank fish! Not one!
So, a year a go we put this place on the market after discussing it for months. We've had several offers, but financing has always stopped the sell. And now we suddenly have a cash buyer who wants to close and wants us out PRONTO! That alone scares me!
For a year we've tossed around where we would go...Before we bought this property we wanted to buy in Sanderson, but when it got time to buy there was nothing available in our price range, so we pretty much settled for this one...Well, we thought about here and we thought about there, but we just kept coming back to Sanderson.
Small town in the middle of nowhere. Small highly rated schools. Near our property. An easy drive to and from for Larry. A rail road track & mountains. And now, best of all, several homes within our price range.
Well, I am in process of writing a contract to buy a home I've wanted for a year now...and I am scared.
Am I doing the right thing? Will the school be a good fit for Logan? Will I find and make friends? Will I find a good church family? Will I be able to adapt to the distance from shopping, medical care, family back in East Texas? But more importantly, will this deal even fly???
Perhaps that is the basis for my fears...Will this deal even go through?
And then, will this house be the right one?

I've wanted to be out there since I was a child and now that the possibility is so close, you'd think I'd be excited...and yet all I feel is this FEAR!
I want to cry because it looks like we might be leaving. Not so much for myself, but for the good friends Logan has made and how much he will miss them.

So, tonight I'm praying that if this is the Will of God, that He allows everything to fall into place perfectly and everything to go smoothly and without a hitch. But if it is NOT the Will of God, that He allows it all to fall through and quickly so...because I only have 10 days till close!

Thoughts of a Loner

Have you ever woke up in the morning, thanked God for allowing you to see just one more day, but by evening, when you lay your head down upon your pillow, you find yourself kind of hoping He forgets to wake you the next morning?

Some people spend their lives surrounded by a host of family and friends, people they can lean to and lean on at any given moment within any given period of any given day, and rarely do they have to face their inner scars or wounds alone. They call this network of people their 'support' and they are blessed to be able to have that, nourish that, claim that.

And then, there are people like me who have been burned, backstabbed, throat slit by so many we trusted that we learn the hardest, but most valuable lesson of all: The only two things we can ever trust or rely on in this life are The Holy Trinity of God and ourselves. Nothing more.

We struggle through this life in our weakness, appearing strong and outgoing to outsiders who have not a clue as to how incredibly alone and weak we truly are.

We get to know ourselves on a level that few will ever understand, possibly even be unable to handle if they did. When we look in the mirror, we don't see skin and eyes and hair and teeth. We see attributes and flaws in our character. We see our deepest desires and our darkest of secrets. We see the youthful resiliency and the scarred and deformed areas of our soul. We see our lost loves, our failed hopes and our dying dreams. We see those things we love and cherish and hold dear to our hearts, our still viable hopes, our still possible dreams. We also see how futile and unimportant we are in the total and complete grand scheme of things...because we know that we will never rise above the loneliness that our past wounds have sentenced us to.

And, though we may wake up in the early morning dawn and give thanks to God for waking us up and allowing us just one more day in this beautiful world, by the end of the treacherous day we lay our heads down upon our pillows and just before we close our eyes...our last thought is that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad if God forgot to wake us the following morning...

You WILL respect my marriage!

Let's get something PERFECTLY clear so that there will be NO doubt in the future.
I am married. I am happy being married. I have MANY years invested in this union, this covenant, and I do not wish to mess that up, nor will I allow anyone else to, either.
Not only is my husband my Love, he is also my best friend and I share everything with him.
So, please remember this and respect not only my marriage, but my husband and myself...or I will make your life a living nightmare!
That's a promise!