As I wander through this life, I have observed many things. I have experieinced many things as well; some good, some bad and a few devastatingly horrible. I have been blessed, bruised and scarred, yet not handicapped to the point that I am incapable of seeing, feeling, touching, doing, moving. I have been made weak by misfortunes, given hope by resiliency and earned strength by the exercise of rising above and beyond those misfortunes. I have learned to appreciate the least of things and ended up finding these small things really are the best.
I yearn for simplicity; in both person and life. I long for the quietness for it both calms my mind and allows me to 'hear' my Father when He speaks.
I rail and rage against injustice and have often fought to the point that my physical health has suffered. Yet in the end, my fight has proven to be on the side of right, and though my number of enemies increases from time to time, I fear them not as their injustices are a plague and I know that they will eventually reap their just fruit.
I am, and will most likely remain, an enigma to most every person who knows me; A mystery they can not solve.
This bothers me not for I do not live, nor was I created, for man.
My purpose may very well be much more complicated that that!
For who are we to question our mighty God and the things that He alone has created?
Yet if I say that God hath called me to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ, there are numbers of those who would attempt to discount this, while offering their 'wisdom' in leading me in the 'right' direction, even if it was opposed to the direction God had set before me.
If I say that I am a prophetess, good 'Christian' people would attempt to rebuke the 'evil' spirit from me as well as explain to me 'exactly' what prophecy was, though all the while they had not a clue.
If I say that I have the gift of discernment, again, these good 'Christian' people feel it their duty to try and explain something they really do not understand, thereby creating confusion in a place that God had filled with HIS perfect peace.
Therefore, I remain silent and keep certain things to myself, away from the prying and critical eyes of others for I already know how they will react.
Yes, I am sensitive and easily hurt...and I am fearsome with the ability to cause much chaos. For every positive, there is a negative; for every negative, there is a positive. The problem lies in balancing the forces to a degree that one might benefit the world around them while keeping a strong hand on the destructive forces within and somehow finding peace with God in the midst of the constant war with self.
This life, thus far, has been a journey through a vast wilderness, and though there have been times when the journey has been discouraging, even frightening, I am learning to appreciate the least of things and enjoy the beauty of the smallest gems. While I've lived in many houses, I've yet to find my true home and I am beginning to believe that when I do find it, it will not be a part of this earth. I'm good with that!
So, until then...I will wander and I will learn and I will write...
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