I've got too much living to do...

My paternal grandmother had her first stroke 6 months before her 50th birthday. It left her right side paralyzed, mostly her right arm and hand. I remember sitting at the table in her kitchen, massaging and working her lifeless fingers back and forth, stretching them as far as my little 6 year old hands could manage. Withing a few months, she was able to grasp a pen and cautiously sign her name, though it was both a struggle and a chore, and her penmanship was not anything like it had been.
December 5th, 1969, she turned 50 years old. We enjoyed her through Christmas and on weekends, just glad she was alive and being my 'Nanny'.
On a Sunday in early March, she told my mother that she'd had a dream. In the dream there were black women dressed in white and they were coming for her. Nanny believed that this symbolized and possibly forewarned of her death.
March 10th, 1970 she awoke and made Pappaw breakfast and then went back to bed for a little while, knowing she was to wake up in an hour or so to get my then 15 year old Aunt off to school.
My aunt woke up to the sound of the bus in the front of the house blowing the horn. She realzed that she'd overslept and knew something was wrong because Nanny, her mother, had never let anyone oversleep. She found her mother in bed, still warm. My precious Nanny was gone and the coroner ruled she'd had a massive stroke or heart attack while she slept.
She was 50 years and 3 months and 5 days old.
And now, at 48 years of age, I am battling hypertention, and it frightens me. I have way too much living left to do and do not think kindly on a death any earlier than my 80th year! I have to keep reminding myself that my maternal grandmother was also hypertensive and lived into her 90's, never suffering a single stroke. But the difference is, Nanny was a Type A personality, with Obsessive compulsive behavior and my maternal grandmother was a Type Z personality who was so mellow and laid back, had she ever smoked marijuana it would have rendered her comatose! Unfortunately for me, I am a Type A personality with OCD!!!
Oh, how I long to be laid back, easy going and so mellow that others think I've been smoking something!!!
I pray that God HELP me. I want to LIVE a LONG life. Get my youngest son raised to adulthood. Drive all my kids crazy by being the crazy old woman I've always promised them I'd be!
I've just got too much living to do to die so early...I ain't ready yet, and won't be for another 40 years!!!