Every single time I share my testimony or a painful experience with a Christian, I am told that I need to forgive. They say they sense some deep unforgiveness within me and that I need to 'give it to God, let go and forgive'. This troubles me greatly as I have prayed through and gotten over, gotten past the grudge holding and KNOW in my heart that I have forgiven. But when I try to explain this, I am told that it is 'sensed' that I just have too much bitterness still and they 'feel' that I've not truly forgiven.
Well, let me explain something, once and for all...
Years ago my husband broke his ankle and he refused to go to the doctor. It healed, but it healed slowly. Who can say if it healed correctly or wrong, but it healed. A doctor even told him that about the only way to truly 'heal' a broken ankle was by surgery, screws and pins and that could often be more troublesome than allowing it to heal on it's own. But to this day, if he steps wrong or there is a sudden weather change, it hurts him. There are certain kinds of boots he can not wear or it tends to aggravate the old injury and sometimes after long walks & drives, that ankle swells. However, it is healed and he walks and he works. He can even run, but that ankle will always be weak and tender.
I had three babies, all by c-section. Each took me months to recover from; weeks for the incision to heal, months for the muscles to regain strength. Because the muscles had been severed, they will never again be as strong as they were before and to this day, that scar is sensitive. Scar tissue has formed and sometimes, if I move wrong, the pain is intense enough to take my breath away and make me cry. But, that incision is healed perfectly.
The same is true of wounds and hurts of our heart and mind.
Some are severe breaks. Some are deep stab wounds. Some are merely scratches and bruises. Sometimes the wound becomes infected and sometimes the wounds are aggravated by more woundings at the same site. Sometimes the wounds are picked at and sometimes they are just so deep that they must heal from the inside out before a protective scab can form, but often an ugly wide scar will remain. Regardless of the wound, each must go through a healing process and healing takes time.
However, no matter how well a wound heals, how invisible the scar might be, that area WILL ALWAYS BE SENSITIVE! It is just a fact of wounding, healing & scarring!
Just like my c-section scar. It healed beautifully twenty-two years ago, yet if I move wrong, or sneeze hard, the scar tissue pulls taunt and it feels as if I've ripped that incision open all over again!
That does not mean it has not healed. That does not mean that the wound is wide open. It is simply a fact of scar tissue.
The same is true with wounds of life.
I remember, with vivid detail, the wounds of my life. Some healed quickly and without any scarring. But others were never cleansed and never given time to heal before another wound was inflicted, and those wounds became infected, took longer to heal than they should have and left a very ugly scar...and the scar tissue still pulls taunt under the right circumstances, causing pain all over again. Of course, I know that the wound is healed, but the pain takes my breath away and causes me to remember the initial wound.
This does not mean that I have not forgiven. It simply means that my memory remains intact and it reminds me that there are areas of my life that will always be tender in order that I might have compassion for others suffering the same wounds and scars.
Perhaps the good thing about those who do not understand this thing about wounds, healing and scarring is that they themselves have not had to suffer wounds...The bad thing would be that they are in utter denial because we are all wounded to some degree. That is just a part of living this life.
Therefore, I am of the opinion that if I can love and pray for those who have caused my wounds, if my heart aches for the judgement they will one day suffer, then I HAVE most definitely FORGIVEN them...and it is only satan who pops his ugly head up to tell me I haven't forgiven in hopes that I will question my assurance and lie back down to wallow in the filthy mud that Jesus already cleaned up a long, long time ago!
Am I bitter?
Well, aren't we all a little bitter when we recall wounds of our past? I'm still a bit bitter when I remember falling down the steps and breaking 6 or 7 bones in my foot back in 2005! I was laid up all summer long and it hurt like the dickens. So yeah, I'm bitter about any injury I've ever suffered. But that's because I don't like pain of any sort. Doesn't mean I've not forgiven myself for not paying attention when I stepped wrong and fell down those stairs, just that I'm bitter recalling how careless I was at the time and how those bones sounded & felt when they broke!!!
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